I seldom write my blog in English as I feel that sometimes it is hard to express myself in English. This is a typical problem for a chinese-ed's student. The imbalance of the development between my mother tongue and the international language, plus some elements of egoistic and shyness make me hard to change this bad habit. Eventually, this start to kill me softly for several times and until yesterday, I officially fail my first job interview. Let me share this with you...
Sometimes I do think that language is merely a tool to convey our ideas and thoughts. So rather than improving my speaking ability, I start searching a path to strengthen my personality because I believe that personality is more important than everything, as long as people get what I mean. I found that this is partially true, as I am too extreme to do what I "think" is correct and start to neglect the most basic technical part, after I did some reflection due to failure in interview.
Personally, I am happy with my performance during the interview session, as I am able to express my thought at that moment. But seem the "way" I expressed myself is not coincide with the needs of my interviewers, failing to impress them at the first sight. Soon I know that I fail the 2-way communication, bringing to failure. I am thinking that what I am talking about is too general to them as other people may bring out the same point by "saying" it out loud, but the "doing" part remains unknown, yet can be impressed by the interviewers. Somehow it is so cruel to me because an approximately half an hour interview is used to determine your characters, despite of a long and constant evaluation but i knew this is the reality of life.
Sometimes I do think that language is merely a tool to convey our ideas and thoughts. So rather than improving my speaking ability, I start searching a path to strengthen my personality because I believe that personality is more important than everything, as long as people get what I mean. I found that this is partially true, as I am too extreme to do what I "think" is correct and start to neglect the most basic technical part, after I did some reflection due to failure in interview.
Personally, I am happy with my performance during the interview session, as I am able to express my thought at that moment. But seem the "way" I expressed myself is not coincide with the needs of my interviewers, failing to impress them at the first sight. Soon I know that I fail the 2-way communication, bringing to failure. I am thinking that what I am talking about is too general to them as other people may bring out the same point by "saying" it out loud, but the "doing" part remains unknown, yet can be impressed by the interviewers. Somehow it is so cruel to me because an approximately half an hour interview is used to determine your characters, despite of a long and constant evaluation but i knew this is the reality of life.
This uneasy feeling creeps into my heart for a very long time, troubled me for several times, but hard to blurt out to someone, make it planted deep inside my heart. When I spent times to look into myself and eventually discover the negative inner sides of myself, I take times to get use to the real me. Sometime I choose to neglect the bad feeling arose, because knowing the truth keep our safety zone at bay. But my true self knowing that self-acceptance is important. Stand firmly may equal to arrogant, if we keep our principle and push away all the external stimulus. I am finding the way to reach equilibrium between the two points.
The need to change become stronger this time as it is all about my future. Fear do conquer me ones in a while as I need to find my way alone and I can't really share my feeling out, as opposed to my learning techniques for these 23 years. This time I want to put all this to an end and start the self-recognised part which is the part that I am lacking. This post is my very first initiative to move forward, hoping that language is not a barrier in learning. Wish me good luck for my determination in changing to a better me. =)
